When my son called about a year ago to tell us that he and his fiancée had set a wedding date, I was filled with extreme joy … and deep despair. I adore my future DIL and look forward to all of the promise that their union will bring. But I dread dress shopping and the plan was for their semi-formal wedding to be held in the summer of 2017.

I committed at the beginning of this year to start the diet-and-exercise plan to exceed all others and not even begin looking for a dress in the spring. Early in 2017, I had a sneak peek at the bride’s dress (oh, so breathtaking in white) and the Mother of the Bride’s (MOBs) dress. On the website “The Knot,” where the kids (I can say that, right?) have set up their entire wedding website, it says this and more about Mother of the Groom (MOG) dresses: “It’s customary for the MOB to purchase her dress first. Get a sense of what she’s wearing (length, color, style) before you buy your dress.” Out of respect, I would not even try on any dress in the MOB’s color palate and style. Her dress is floor length, sleeveless, has a Grecian neck, and is stunning in champagne and gold.

I felt that none of my Bellingham-casual hanging in my closet was appropriate for me to wear to my son’s wedding. According to Ms. Manners, “You needn’t make any effort to coordinate with the wedding’s ‘theme colors’ as you are the mother of the groom, and not a shoe or a floral arrangement.”

I am not exactly a one-size-fits-all kind of body and pride myself on being frugal and fiscally responsible. I know, this is the wedding of my only son. I should spend what I need to and, seriously, no one is going to be looking at me anyway. But here’s the thing … I know the family photos will last forever and I don’t want to cringe every time I look at them in the years to come. My husband and I set a wedding clothing budget (he was going to need to buy a suit too).

Dress Shopping Round One

In chatting with a friend, I first learned of the Lower Mainland’s After Five Fashion and went to take a peek. Their store in the Birch Bay Outlet Mall has been there for almost five years. They are currently open every day but Tuesday and Wednesday.

Manager and Blaine resident Rochelle Halldorson says After Five is not considered a “bridal store,” since they don’t sell traditional bridal gowns, but they do carry dresses appropriate for everyone in the wedding party and their guests. Their beautiful, never worn, designer dresses are appropriate for any occasion. The owner’s desire is to have all customers walk out with a dress they love, feeling that their outfit is comfortable and special and significant for the occasion. Rochelle says the average price range for a MOG dress could be from $200-$600. Dresses in her store are marked down for sale after 15-18 months, allowing satisfied frugal customers, like me, to easily find the perfect outfit for about $100. With a budget limit in mind, I was pleasantly surprised to find many lovely dresses and an absolutely perfect purple dress on the sale rack that I loved at first sight. Sadly, it was a little bit outside my budget and, most of all, it didn’t quite fit. If I was 29 pounds thinner and maybe two inches smaller around my middle, it would work.

I earnestly re-committed right there and then to diet and exercise in earnest for six months. Then I would come back to After Five Fashion and if this purple dress was still on the rack, perhaps discounted by then, I’d buy it and be happy.

That day, I did buy a deal too hot to pass up – a medium blue dress off the clearance rack. I knew I wouldn’t wear it to the wedding since the neckline was too close to the style of the MOB’s but I had to have it.

My diet and exercise program for the next few months consisted of walking as much as possible and cutting out most wheat products. Early in April, I plunked down my credit card at a local gym and went to various exercise classes five days a week. So with four months of diet and a month of intense exercise under my belt (no pun intended) I went to my doctor in early May for my annual exam and was distraught to learn I had a net gain of three pounds since the beginning of the year.

It was clear I was going to have to accept the fact I would need to find a dress that fit me in the present, not in the future.

Dress Shopping Round Two

Gown and Glove is a consignment store open every day but Thursday that carries gently-worn (and occasionally never-worn) bridal, wedding party and guest dresses at very discounted prices. Owner Blanca Flor Waldrip purchased the store in early 2017. She has been doing on-site alterations there since 2015. Blanca says their busy seasons are late fall for the holidays, early in the year for weddings and springtime for prom and graduation outfits. In late June, I noticed an adorable designer pink dress that I thought would look fabulous on my future DIL in the display window. The dress had been there for a while and was such a deal, I had to buy it for her.

Right next to where I stood at the checkout hung a solitary, breathtaking and perfect dark blue dress, not unlike the style of the purple dress I had seen months earlier. Blanca told me it had been brought in that morning. I tried it on. It was perfect. I sucked in my breath and looked at the price-tag. It was in my budget. I needed a second opinion and asked her to hold the dress for me, which she agreed to do until the weekend. I went home and told my husband that I had found the dress!! I arranged with a friend to come with me that Saturday. Two nights later, my husband told me he had talked to his mother. She had been saving a dressy outfit to wear to a special occasion and her outfit was dark blue … exactly the same as my perfect dark blue dress. (You see where this is going, right?)

Let me tell you, dear reader, I did not give up my dream of that dress easily. I looked online to see if the style was available anywhere else in a different color. It was not. Blanca kindly held that dress aside for me for another ten days, as I sadly and dejectedly dragged friend after friend to look at my perfect blue dress and listened to them try to talk me into wearing it.

I couldn’t let go. I tore through my closet at home, pulled out every floor length dress I owned that I ever (and sometimes never) wore, and brought them to the store to sell on consignment. Then I found an online coupon for $25 off a dress at Gown and Glove and bought the blue dress to own! Are you keeping score? This was my second dressy-dress purchase that I won’t be wearing to my son’s wedding.

Dress Shopping Round Three

An east coast girl at heart, I was brought up with the belief that David’s Bridal was where everyone shopped for dresses for Brides, MOBs and MOGs. So I went to the David’s in Lynnwood and Burlington, but there was nothing in my size and budget that I loved or felt was MOG appropriate. So I kept looking.

Dress Shopping Round Four

Two weeks later, I made final plans with my daughter and a friend to go dress shopping for the last time. We all committed that this was the day I would find a dress for the wedding. I was willing to check out Value Village and Goodwill if necessary. I have found dressy dresses there in the past. My daughter promised to stop me from buying yet another dress that I would not wear to the wedding.

Our first stop was back to Blaine. The purple dress was still there and it was more beautiful than ever. With fingers crossed that somehow magic happened, and either my body shape spontaneously changed, or the dress got stretched out, I tried it on again. Full disclosure, the zipper broke. Rochelle was incredibly kind and comforted me by saying that zippers break all the time. (This may be true, I’ve been to two weddings where I have heard broken zipper stories.) There was another dress in the store that I tried on and it fit, but I didn’t love it and I was not confident that altering the dresses’ long sleeves to short would improve the line of the dress.

I left, dejected, but well supported by my team.

Our next stop was Bellingham’s Alicia’s Bridal Outlet, (only open on Saturdays) where they say any bride (or mother) on a budget can find the dress of her dreams. Never worn wedding gowns and Mother dresses that retailed from $500 to $900 can be purchased for 20-90 percent off the original price.

Outlet owner Sandy Needham told me they opened the outlet ten years ago because there were so many unsold, discontinued dresses in the main store, Alicia’s and The Formal House, which is just a few doors up the block, and they didn’t have room. Some of the dresses at the outlet are only two or three seasons old. Sandy wants every bride to say, “Yes to the dress,” even if they are on a very tight budget. It makes her happy that people can spend $100 and get a perfect wedding dress. We were one of the first customers of the day and bee-lined to the rack of Mother’s dresses in my size. I picked a lovely 3/4 sleeve, floor length, periwinkle dress. It was marked half-off the full retail price and due to a special national bridal sale that we happened in on, was another half-off of that. My eyes widened. Seriously? 75 percent off? I took it to the dressing room. Not only did it fit, it was comfortable and long enough to allow me to wear heels!! And yes, I love it! My daughter and my friend gave me thumbs up approval. Even a cousin in the Midwest gave me the go-ahead via text message! (It apparently takes a village to dress me.)

I stayed within my original budget and ended up with three lovely dressy dresses! I am grateful for Rochelle, Blanca and Sandy for all of their gentle help and guidance. I know that when I wear the dresses I bought at each of their shops, I will get a lot of compliments.

Even though I will not be the focus of attention on the day of my son’s wedding, I know that I will be proud to stand by him and be in a photo on his wall for decades to come.

Passion is inspired by profound experience. Krista Gordon felt vibratory excitement after seeing orca whales in their natural habitat. Orca close encounters, from as near as 20 feet, are frequent just off the cliffs of Lime Kiln Point State Park on San Juan Island. This makes the location one of the best places on Earth to see orcas in the wild. She took away a lasting impression and internalized a message of stewardship – required to sustain the beauty of their underwater world.

Fueled by that day in the mid-90s when the orcas first welcomed her and her family to the Pacific Northwest, she knew she wanted to share the same exalted experience she’d felt alongside her own children with every child. “I’ve always realized what an amazing place we live in and how important it is to care about it. And the only way to care about a place, is to experience it firsthand,” Gordon said.

In its third year, the Salish Sea Experience has already taken over 1,500 children on an educational journey – one that fosters the lasting connection the whales provide and enhances our understanding of the Salish Sea and ourselves. Gordon remarked, “After you plant the seed of caring, there are a lot of ripples that go out. Because once you care about the whales, you’ll care about the salmon and then you begin to care about the pollution … and caring keeps going when you notice it’s all connected.”

To coordinate and lead fieldtrips for Whatcom County Schools, Gordon has committed to utilizing her teaching degree and inspiring kids not only to care, but also to act as environmental stewards. “My learning has rippled out and my focus has gone beyond the whales to understanding a host of different impacts,” she said. After nine years working in the office and library at Happy Valley School where she read local children’s book author Paul Owen Lewis’ prose, her most recent field trip was particularly special as he came along for the ride.

Lewis’ book Davy’s Dream (about a boy sailing with orcas) and Grasper (a coming of age story about a crab outgrowing his shell) were perfectly applicable. To have the author read the stories aloud, including his newest book Motomice, in the same location he was inspired to pen them, was a unique opportunity to bring the learning alive. “To be able to tie that literature in and hear the stories from the author and how they directly related to the field trip, to me, it was magical,” Gordon recalled.

From the decks of the Washington State ferry, students were rapt with Lewis’ tales of sea creatures coming to life. A special thanks is extended to Anne Boydstun for inviting him aboard.

Once disembarked from the short bus ride from the ferry to the park, all eyes turned to the sea after hearing other whale-watching boats report that southern resident orcas were in the neighborhood. Jeff Hogan, Executive Director of Killer Whale Tales, was peppered with questions about distinct pods. Hogan is part of the staff of educators that help bring the Salish Sea Experience to students. After 17 years of orca research, Hogan’s classroom story-focused presentations bring the living science of the field into the classroom. His engaging theater background and wry humor also manage to keep the students guessing.

Resident killer whale identification is the beginning to understanding the complexities of this endangered species. With laminated photographs of the J-K and L pods, the students hone their attention to the shape and size of the fins, the saddle patches and any unique scars in the fin or saddle patch area that identifies an individual whale. The orca whale trading cards passed out at the end are highly coveted.

In alternating groups, the student’s next stop is Dr. Bob Otis’ talk inside the lighthouse. As a volunteer and marine naturalist conducting orca whale research, his observations have been used in collaboration with researchers for over 30 years. Otis is a charmer and holds the students’ attention through poignant questions related to what they already know and what more is possible to understand.

When asked why Otis still volunteers every summer, he summarized with one word, “Love.” He pointed out a misty rainbow arching over a breeching mother and calf, lingered on the finer points of whale language and pointed to the beauty behind each animal’s individual story. His dedication to understanding the southern resident orcas shone through and the children were enthralled with his spirited Q&A. They were still glued to their seats as the video came to a close and it was time to move on.

Led by Krista Gordon, the 4^th graders later headed to the rocky sea shore to interact with wildlife and take in the carved beauty of the island’s coastline. Later, as we walked down a dirt path to an overlook, the students discovered one of the biggest industries in the San Juan Islands. The restored lime kiln, responsible for producing enough lime to rebuild much of San Francisco after the devastating earthquake of 1906, gives the students a picture of what time might have looked like in 1860 (when the kilns originated) or at the turn of the century when workers still burned four cords of wood a day (cut from surrounding islands) to keep the kiln in production.

Boundless discoveries were claimed. And although the orcas never ‘buzzed’ the lighthouse for the students to see up-close, weeks of in-class preparation and an experiential approach to learning gave every child a lasting Salish Sea Experience. One 4^th grader said, “The most important thing I learned is how almost everything connects to water and that we have to keep it safe.”