To begin, a little backstory…

I volunteer a few hours each week for KMRE 102.3, an independent FM radio station in Bellingham, and work exclusively with Margaret Bikman’s “Arts & Entertainment Spotlight.” My position title is “producer,” which sounds fancier than it is.

In the course of my work, I set up Zoom calls for Margaret to meet virtually with one or two people she interviews to promote a local arts event. Margaret has been conducting radio interviews this way for years, long before everyone else was using Zoom. She’s a pro. After each interview, I edit out any coughs, clicks, and word stumbles, put an intro and ending on the piece, and send it to Program Director Julie Marletto to schedule for its on-air broadcast.

Easy Peasy.

Usually.

Ten Days Before Our Fran Lebowitz Interview

In advance of Fran Lebowitz taking the stage at the Mount Baker Theater on February 26, Margaret excitedly told me she was going to interview the cultural icon on January 27. It’s scheduled for precisely 1:15 p.m., and Margaret is expected complete her interview in a tight 20 minutes. We were also told that “Fran doesn’t do Zoom.”

From what I’ve read about Fran Lebowitz, I believe she does not own a computer. Even though Zoom participants can call in from a phone, if needed, that requires the ability to push-button dial a ten-digit phone number, a ten-digit zoom room address, and then a six-digit password. That’s a lot of numbers.

I knew I’d need to initiate the call to our guest from a Zoom meeting, something neither Margaret nor I had done before. I researched “How to call a landline phone from my Mac?” (It’s virtually impossible to call a landline or an Android phone from a Mac.) Even if I did initiate the call from my computer, I still needed to figure out how to conference the outgoing line on the computer into the Zoom meeting. I added and deleted many apps and programs from my computer and suffered four sleepless nights.

Five Days Before

I had a brainstorm at 12:30 a.m. I could call in to Zoom from my cell phone, which already had a conference call option, and patch in a call to Fran at her hotel! It was still a fitful night. In the morning, the questions arose: Would it work? Would Zoom pick up her voice to record it? Would it echo? These are questions that could only be answered by meticulous and repeated beta testing.

Four Days Before

My trusty lab assistant, Ken, who lives with me, pretended to be Margaret and Fran by setting up his computer on his right and his cell phone on his left. IT WORKED. Or at least it seemed to. The next test was to add Margaret into the mix.

Three Days Before

I sent the following instructions to Margaret, a few days before the interview, to practice for Friday:

You (Margaret) will be “normal you” and sign into the meeting as usual. I will sign into Zoom as “normal me.” On my cell phone I will dial in to Zoom on my cell phone, and then I will put Zoom on hold, and call Ken, who will be standing in for Fran in San Francisco at her hotel room. I will push a button and conference Ken (Fran) into the call.

Two Days Before

THE LAST PRACTICE ALSO WORKED!! We were ready, and now we just had two more sleeps. Margaret forwarded the phone number for me to call for the interview, along with Fran’s room number.

The Day of the Interview

Ken planned to be out of the house when I made my call. After 36 years of marriage, he knows when I need my space. Not gonna lie, we ran through the test again that morning before he left. One. More. Time.

One Hour Before

Margaret and I emailed back and forth a bit that morning, admitting we were both nervous. We joined the Zoom room almost an hour before our interview time.

She said I looked calm.

I was not calm.

I was going over the steps in my head, writing notes to not forget to mute and unmute at the right times, to avoid any echoing. The minutes ticked by. Finally, it was time to call.

The Interview, 1:12 p.m.

I initiate the call to the hotel. I carefully dial the numbers to hotel reception, ready to join the call to Zoom as soon as it’s answered by hitting the “add” button on my phone, anticipating that after a short wait Ms. Lebowitz would answer the phone from the comfort of her hotel room. It would be precisely 1:15 p.m., our specified appointment time. That is not what happens.

The phone rings. And rings. And continues to ring. I hang up after 13 rings.

Margaret, waiting in the Zoom room, cannot hear what I hear on the phone. I tell her no one answered. She checks her original email from Fran’s publicist to I confirm I dialed correctly.

1:13 p.m.

Margaret discovers an email from Fran’s publicist from two minutes earlier, informing us that the phones in the 5-star hotel Fran is staying in are not working—and that Fran is going to call Margaret directly. Margaret’s eyes grow large. (Remember what I said about Margaret’s tech skills?) She emails my phone number to the publicist to give to Fran. But I hadn’t practiced connecting Zoom with an incoming call. I didn’t know how or if it would work. I ask Margaret for Fran’s publicist’s phone number.

1:15 p.m.

I dial and get through to the publicist’s receptionist; Margaret is listening on the other line. I explain to the publicist we’ve not been able to get a connection with the hotel. Just then, the publicist receives a call from Fran on the other line, and she puts us on hold.

1:17 p.m.

The publicist comes back on the line, she tells me Fran has been having trouble with the hotel’s phones all day. (Did I mention this is a 5-star hotel?) She says Fran will call me. I tell her my concerns about being able to connect them for the Zoom call and am reminded again that Fran doesn’t Zoom.

I explain that it would be challenging to walk Margaret through the conference call process. And Margaret doesn’t jump at the chance to conference the call on her end. The publicist and I agree I will call the hotel again, and hope the phones work this time, but if not, I should call back and she will give me another number for Fran. (A cell phone, perhaps? An iPhone? That would have been good to know…but no matter.) I thank her profusely for her assistance.

1:21 p.m.

I call the hotel, again. The phone rings, again. It’s answered and I tell the voice on the other end my name, the room number, and the name of the guest. The phone goes dead. I see a light flashing on the Zoom screen, but neither Margaret nor I can hear anything on the other line.

1:22 p.m.

I hang up again, take a deep breath, and redial the hotel. One. Last. Time. Again, the hotel receptionist answers. I tentatively yet firmly give my name, Fran’s name, and her room number.

There’s a pause.

Finally, I hear a faint “hello” on the other end. I push a button and conference the calls. I say, “Margaret, are you there?” She says, “Yes.” I catch my breath. “Fran, are you there?” I ask. And then I hear the voice of Fran Lebowitz say, “I’m here. Yes, I’m here.”

“Technology wins!” Margaret exclaims and Fran is welcomed to the podcast.

I turn off my microphone, and Margaret expertly conducts her interview while I breathe a big sigh of relief. Technology did win—this time.

You can listen to Margaret’s full interview with Fran Lebowitz here, and the rest of KMRE’s Arts & Entertainment library of podcasts, here.